This was the easiest list to make. These are the images and jump-scares I think of first thing each night at two or three in the morning when I wake up. Take last night for example: I’m gonesville when I hear something crash downstairs. Or, I hear the end of it. So of course I have to investigate. By degrees. And, instead of anything understandable, what it is that fell is this skeleton hand we keep perched on an antique typewriter. Why it would fall at three in the morning, I have not a clue. But, going back up the stairs, these are all the scenes that assault me.
So, now the job for me, it’s to somehow get back upstairs when the house is all empty. One trick I’ve learned is to pretend for the dogs that I’ve got some kind of treat for them. They follow and follow, not meaning to use their ears and noses, not meaning to give me the company I need. And then, a few minutes later, we’re upstairs, and all’s well. Unless this is the time they’ve grown weary of this game. Which is to say, yes, I looked for a picture of that dog from The Omen, but couldn’t find it framed the way I wanted it. And no way am I putting that DVD in the player right now. Seriously: no way. I’m not even going over to the shelf, to see if I’ve got it or if it’s loaned out. I’m not even taking out the disc that’s in the player now. These are the self-preservation instincts I’ve learned, through years of watching horror. There are rules if you want to survive, and you can’t deviate. Watching The Omen alone in a house, that breaks about seven of them, right there.
Happy halloween. Stay scared.
is the NYT bestselling author of 35 or so books, +350 stories, some comic books, and all this stuff here. He lives in Boulder, Colorado, and has a few broken-down old trucks, one PhD, and way too many boots. More