In my movie, should anybody ever let me make one:

• if anybody’s carrying a bag of groceries, it won’t have French bread in it
• nobody will flick playing cards into and around a trashcan or hat
• if the characters need to hack into somebody’s computer, the password will be unguessable
• if there’s some big and final showdown on a boat, then it won’t be finally decided with a flare gun
• if somebody cuts their wrists in the bathtub, there won’t be a lit candle there
• if there’s a detective of any kind in my story, then he won’t keep a bottle of bourbon in his drawer
• nobody will say “in English, please”
• if someone throws up then the amount they throw up will be more than a mouthful
• if there’s a slam-dunk, it’ll be one continuous shot rather than cutting to above the rim
• if voice-over is used, then we’ll get to ‘see’ that voice-overer at the end
• if there are aliens, then they’ll be neither bipedal nor bilaterally symmetrical
• the news broadcast won’t immediately deliver exactly what my characters need
• the gun won’t slide away. it’ll just land there, stay there

^{©Stephen Graham Jones, 2006}